What "Vietnamese People Are Friendly" Can Actually Mean

There are many reasons why foreigners love living in Vietnam. You'll hear explanations such as "Vietnam has a comparatively low cost of living," "It's easy to find a job as an English teacher and live comfortably," "Vietnam is very entrepreneurial," and "Vietnamese people are very friendly."

I want to explore that last reason, the friendliness of the Vietnamese people, on a deeper and more personal level.

I believe that this local friendliness that a foreigner living in Vietnam will experience can become an unexpected and addictive boost to their ego.

Thus begins the story of why living in Vietnam was an absolute psychological upper for me.

Before proceeding, I want to make clear that not all of my friendships in Vietnam were built off of the experiences that I'll share below. The close friendships made in Vietnam and maintained today came from common interests and a mutual respect for each other that went beyond the mere fact that I'm a foreigner.

That said, over the course of 10 months I did have my fair share of encounters with locals that were definitely based off of everything you're about to read.

Foreigners Inherently Prompt Curiosity

There's no denying the fact that foreigners in Vietnam can at times quickly become the center of attention, especially if we're the only foreigner in a given space (room, road, park, etc.). As such, we're going to get looks, sometimes uncomfortable stares, and distant shouts of "hello!" Chances are that someone, most likely an eager college student, will strike up a conversation with the explicit intent to practice their English.

If you're a young male, then you'll also probably get the occasional side glance, point, giggle, and "anh ấy đẹp trai quá" (he's so handsome).

It's not all roses, however. There are many locals who completely disregard or ignore us. Foreigners are a bit of the norm in big cities like Saigon, so for many locals, we foreigners are not as special as we might think. Some locals have even had their own negative experiences interacting with foreigners and thus opt to steer clear of them unless a friend makes an introduction.

Sometimes the attention we get because we're a foreigner may also be disadvantageous, frustrating, downright discriminatory. If you mingle within the expat community for long enough, you'll definitely encounter a few expats who will eagerly share you with stories of unlawful traffic stops, getting charged more at the market, and other personal injustices they've experienced.

Nevertheless, generally speaking foreigners in Vietnam prompt the positive curiosity of locals. Characteristics and traits such as not being repulsive, being an English speaker, being from a country familiar to Vietnamese, or especially being able to speak some of the Vietnamese language, only serve to further elevate one's status.

Unfamiliar Feeling of Being the Popular Guy

When trying to create my own social network in Vietnam, I experienced this friendliness of the locals in the form of the aforementioned piqued curiosity. Whenever I participated in a new activity or attended a social function, people wanted to know about me. I became the center of attention in certain circles.

I would get asked all sorts of questions: "Where are you from?" "Are you really American?" "Why are you living in Vietnam?" "What do you think about Vietnamese society?" "What do you think about Vietnamese women?"

I got asked that last question a lot :/

Regardless of the reason or intent, regardless of whether it was genuine or superficial, I started to get the impression that locals actually took an active interest in getting to know me. This was a very unfamiliar feeling.

Said interest naturally increased after some learned that I was studying Vietnamese and that I could hold a moderate conversation in their native language. Social barriers dropped and I became more approachable and human because I could speak Vietnamese.

These generally positive social interactions were quite different from what I experienced back in Seattle. Be it social, professional, or a mix of the two (I'm looking at you, MBA events), I usually left these events feeling a bit disconnected from the general pool of guests.

This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe it's the Seattle Freeze and the difficulties of breaking into social networks in Seattle. Perhaps it's the cultural, racial, and ethnic stereotypes that dictate first impressions prior to anything being said (e.g. "brown-looking guy in Seattle = typical Indian expat working in technology"). I can also definitely chalk it up to my mild discomfort being around large groups of strangers and to my lack of knowledge and interest in things like sports, cars, golf, outdoors, and other hobbies and activities common to my peer group and region.

Living in Vietnam, however, was a completely different and refreshing experience. My social engagements were typically positive and enjoyable. I was actually a part of the conversation. I had a name, a voice, and a presence.

As insanely juvenile as this might sound, I felt like the popular guy in the room.

Psychological Upper

In reflecting on exactly why the friendliness of Vietnamese people had had such an effect on me, I also had to acknowledge two uncomfortable, personal characteristics: 1) I'm a bit of a narcissist, perhaps because I've struggled with low self-esteem since childhood, and 2) I had been battling mild depression in the early part of 2013, a challenge that played a large role in my decision to leave the States and take this adventure to Vietnam.

When put in this light, it's easy to understand why all of this newfound attention felt really, really good.

I experienced some of that Charisma Man syndrome, not (I repeat, not) in the sense that women were flocking to me as was commonly depicted in the comics, but rather in that I was experiencing some level of heightened social importance and gratification in Vietnam that I never really experienced back home in Seattle.

Here in Seattle I sometimes feel a bit disconnected, like an outsider living in my own city. When I lived in Vietnam, I felt like I could get out from under the burden of collective stereotypes. Moreover, I found myself void of many of the insecurities that I held at home.

I became a person of interest just for being myself. All of my hobbies and interests that didn't gain much traction at parties in Seattle made for interesting and fun conversations in Vietnam.

Despite the fact that I didn't look like anyone else in the room, I didn't feel marginalized or out of place at social events. I was encouraged to participate, and my presence was typically welcomed.

I believe that my experiences add new context, or at least a different view to the compliment foreigners give when they say that Vietnamese people are very friendly. Foreigners talk about the friendliness of the locals, but I think that, at least for some, there's more behind that opinion that keeps them in love with Vietnam.

In my case, such friendliness can make people like me feel really good about themselves...to the point where they're hesitant to return home.

They might be afraid that they'll revert back to being that awkward guy in the corner drinking their beer, the guy no one really wanted to engage because he didn't look like everyone else, didn't talk sports or cars, and generally didn't look like he belonged.

I know that's how I felt.

Thus, whenever I hear a foreigner say that "Vietnamese are very friendly," I can't help but wonder if they experienced many of the same interactions I had, and that those interactions made them feel better about themselves than had they been back in their home country.